The holidays have a purpose of spreading joy or “holiday cheer.” Yes, “Tis the season to be jolly,” right? Yet, is experiencing joy that easy during the holidays? Many are also suffering from feelings of stress, anxiety, loneliness, and grief during the holidays. When suffering comes upon us, it can be challenging to experience the joy that this season has to offer.

Please be gentle with yourselves and know that it is okay to not be okay. In fact, it is healthy to express feelings versus keep them inside. Keeping feelings inside close to our chest can often feel safer, but it actually can be destructive. Just like how people may turn to drugs or alcohol as a way to escape, fill their void, and lessen their pain. This is a destructive path that will only worsen. We have the choice and control to express our feelings and do something about them in a healthy way. If we do not, our deeply rooted feelings and difficult situations do not get resolved within a healthy time frame. In fact, some may push feelings and unresolved conflict inside for years until all that was unattended comes flooding right back in an instant. Like how a husband yells at his wife about taking a phone call when they are together, but it is not the healthy way to respond. In this situation, the husband avoided expressing his feelings earlier about desiring uninterrupted quality time in the evenings together. He felt less desired and more lonely. Over time, his unresolved feelings grew into resentment, which resulted in an explosion of anger, turning into a heated verbal attack. Did you know that yelling does not make someone else hear you easier? It actually can cause the other person to either yell, say something unkind back, or retreat.

Some common situations that can bring difficult feelings during the holidays include trying to budget for the holidays, finding the perfect gifts for loved ones to grieving the loss of a loved one, and coming to terms that the holidays feel emptier and different without them. In addition, trying to navigate family dynamics and family conflict can create the perfect storm if we do not manage our feelings healthily.

Take a minute to ask yourself if you are contributing to your own suffering right now. Are you resisting change, holding onto a grudge, or catastrophizing a future scenario? Are you keeping busy so you do not have to address your uncomfortable emotions? Is there any part of your suffering that you can lessen for yourself? What kind of action steps are needed? Take comfort in knowing that feelings and emotions are temporary. They come and go, and we have the power to allow joy to come in, even in the smallest of moments. Please know that you do not have to be alone in your struggles, and with the right support, strategies, resources, and the practice of keeping a proper perspective, we can enjoy the holidays and the joy that this time can bring.